Shark Night 3D

It looks like once again this summer the theater will be taken over by another cheesy animal attack movie. What am I talking about, well I am talking about Shark Night 3-D. That's right after last summer's Piranha 3-D that some of us suffer through, I have yet to see the movie, there will be another movie like it this summer. What's summer without water, bikinis, sex and murder?

From what I can tell from the trailer, since an actual website for the movie has nothing, but the trailer and IMDB has a two sentence synopsis, this movie is about 7 college kids (surprise, surprise) who are planning a trip to an island miles away from the mainland. I thought it was the Florida Keys, but I guess it's Louisiana Gulf Coast. Does it matter where it is? Not really, but I guess it does and you'll understand once I finish explaining the plot of the movie.

So these good looking and sexy college kids are enjoying their time having sex and drinking because that's all us college kids do, right? So we all know one of the main rules in horror movies, if you have sex you will die. While I cannot say for sure if this is true, more than likely it will be true. I haven't seen a horror movie yet, where someone has sex and survived, but correct me if I am wrong. So after some time on this island, one of the college kids gets killed. From the look of the trailer it covers another rule in horror movies, the black person is always the first to die if present. I don't know why this is true, but if you look on the comments on the trailer I posted you will see it come up a lot. Anyway back to the trailer, it turns out that sharks are attacking these kids. Oh no!! Not the sexy drunk kids. Whatever shall we do?!

Yes, sharks, just like in Jaws, all the sequels that came after plus Deep Blue Sea. We know sharks are scary and people think they will attack everyone in the water. This is so not true and the man who wrote the book Jaws has been trying to fix the damage he has done letting everyone know that sharks are not something to fear and kill, but respect. Okay, I'll get off my hippie, animal loving soapbox. To make it even more scary this movie will be in 3-D. Which means 3-D BOOBIES!!! Yes, now those of you men who don't have a real pair to squeeze and grab and can try to grab fake movie optical illusion boobs. This also means you will be paying an extra couple of bucks for them fancy 3-D glasses that don't come in the awesome blue and red lenses anymore. So this means that if you sit in the direct center of the theater you might have boobs and sharks coming to attack you. If you are not so lucky then it will just pass you by.

Another, annoying thing about the movie is the Louisiana Gulf Coast is freshwater. For all of you who are not so into science, like me, even though I work at a zoo, sharks live in saltwater or sea water. They can not survive in freshwater because their bodies are made a certain way to handle the salt, just like we are meant to breath in oxygen and not carbon dioxide. From the looks of the trailer there is some sick bastard/s who are setting these sharks loose. So, there could be a serial killer angle to this movie as well.

In case you are wondering who directed it, it is done by the same guy who did the second and fourth final destination movies. Yeah those were such great movies. Also, the only name on the cast list I recognize is Katherine McPhee and I don't know many pop stars. She's not one of the main college kids so I have no clue who any of these actors are, but that's not big surprise here. Most horror movies today either have washed up actors or no names.... okay well maybe not all of them, Saw had Donnie Wahlberg who is  doing pretty good these days.


So it seems this movie is just another way to scare the crap out of people from going swimming and make lots of money because it's in 3-D, "it's like I can touch you."(see video below to get the joke. It's a funny video that explains 3-D). So will I see this movie.... if I am really bored this summer, maybe I will so I can make fun of it. I doubt I will be that bore between working 40 plus hours and the fact I'm taking the GRE, but maybe I will want to drive myself further into insanity by watching this. If I don't see it in the theater I will watch in when it comes out on DVD, which will probably be by Valentine's Day. Aww what a sweet gift that would be for your sweetie.

Anyway, thanks for stopping by and enjoy the videos below. They both should have you laughing.