Synopsis: A group of tourist take a haunted swap tour while on vacation in New Orleans. Their boat gets stuck and they are now being chased by a deformed maniac.
Review: Yes, I know that synopsis is short, but really that's what it is all about. If I went into more depth, you would be getting a play by play rather that a quick summery. Yes, the movie does begin and end with the same Marilyn Manson song and for me, that really draws me in. No I'm not a fan, but there is an element to his music that tells you to hold on and get ready for a crazy ride. The rest of the movie has this crappy music that sounds like it should be in some 1980s romance or drama film.
I don't know where to begin. Maybe the cameos of some of my favorite horror stars that just... well doesn't really do them justice. Or do I want to start with how this plot is a little too similar to Piranhas 3d, note this movie was made before Piranhas and not written by the same guy. Or should start with the bad story line and bad killing scenes?
I think I will go with the cameos. I cannot remember why I added this to my queue other than I need movies to watch for hack and slash. When I see Robert Englund, my favorite modern horror movie actor appear in the first scene I was hoping this would be good... WRONG. It was just like Richard Dryfus' character in Piranhas. Just a cameo and barely on screen. The second cameo was done by someone, who I have not seen the movies that have made him famous, Candyman, but has been in the Final Destination movies. Tony Todd, that's right. So I thought okay this should get better... he is dressed in purple and talking like a pirate. The next cameo probably passed most people by. If you didn't know his real name or the character she is best known for, hint he wears a hockey mask, wouldn't recognized him. Kane Hodden, who plays Jason Vorhees in the Friday the 13th series. His part was better, but not by much. He didn't say a word.
So the movie seems like every other new horror movie, except for the torture and rape horror movies, where it's very funny and lighthearted at the beginning and you are wondering if you are watching an actual horror movie or a comedy. Then you get lots of boob shots by the director of a "soft porn" movie and a bunch of strangers that would never be on an elevator together let alone and crappy horror movie.
The story of the killer is he was deformed and the kids made fun of him. So his dad was his only human contact. One night teenagers used firecrackers to get the killer, Victor, to come out and instead light the shack on fire. His dad, comes just in time to try to save him, but because the boy is against the door and his dad is using an ax to get the door open kills his son when the ax strikes his head. He never leaves the shack until he dies.
So somehow, maybe the second movie explains this Victor is alive and kills anyone who comes close to the shack. He doesn't just kill them with a hatchet, but rips the open, using power tools and other random methods. The story of how he's alive is he's still living in the day he died... I'm not expert, but I've seen a lot of supernatural and slasher films to know this is a crappy excuse for the killer to be alive. They needed a better story for him.
So the gore was bloody, but the fight scenes were too... rehearsed and choppy.. I didn't believe for a second that they were really that into fighting him, but boy did they love to run from him. Yet, I don't remember anyone slipping or tripping in this movie. That's like a classic slasher element.
The characters were just stupid. Like I said none of them belonged together and I think they just pick character stories out of a hat for this movie. Yes, you have to have the slutty girls and the horny guy, but the couple form the midwest or the sappy lovesick boy...? Not very well played out.
Edited for an addition: Oh and what the hell was the part about keeping secretes for? It's not like Victor killed people who lied or people who had a deep dark secrete. We get that the Asian guy lied, but why was everyone else starting to confess like there were in a Catholic church? I know it wasn't to get rid of guilt before they died. Seemed really thrown in.
And the ending... CLIFFHANGER! Though I hear that the sequel starts right were his one left off, which is good because I thought they ran out of money and couldn't finish the final kill scene.
So don't waste your time with this movie. Hopefully Hatchet II or III are much better, but when are the sequels better? Usually never.
Here's the trailer, which looks much better than the movie itself.
You gotta love a movie that can't live up to its own trailer... wait, did I say love? I meant HATE and AVOID FOREVER.
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